Lifestyle of Wandering: Reflections of a Wanderer

Home Sweet Home! It’s a fixer-upper with numerous areas of improvement needed, but it’s mine!

So, I’m finally the owner of a 31′ 1988 Coachmen Classic…The Winnebago fell through, but that’s another story. I ended up with a fixer-upper with no one up here to help me fix it up. And since it is “our 4 four busiest weeks of the season” the RV Sales & Repair where I purchased it has other higher-priority customers to cater to for the next couple weeks. I told them that was fine if they didn’t mind me living in it on their lot while I was waiting. The owner was gracious enough to say yes, so that’s where I am now. However, they haven’t even had time to check and or fix the major systems…you know, those “kinda” important things like the water system, sewer system, LP system, etc. Yeah, about that sewer system…

This is the first RV that I have owned as a single gal with no knight-in-shining-armor to come to my rescue when it comes to things like leveling the motorhome (which I’ll mention again later) or hooking it up to utilities like the sewer. I managed to back it in (STRAIGHT, I might add) between the logs and a dump truck to the spot the salesman had pointed out near the utility hookups. Hmmm, how come the ground didn’t look sloped before I parked here? Wonder how I’m supposed to level this thing?  Anyway, on to the utility connections. Electricity…check! Water…can’t connect until they fix a leak they said I had. Septic…next on the list! Oh how I wish I had a video of my first experience in learning how to hook up my new-to-me RV to a sewer connection. I’m sure it would make me some good money on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Oh, did I forget to mention that it was raining? …A lot? …And I was in good “church clothes”?

I really didn’t think I’d have any problems. After all, I did know where the compartment was located. And I knew that I had to make all of those nasty-looking pieces of hose and couplings fit together and attach to the sewer hookup pipe in the ground. What I didn’t know was HOW to assemble the random pieces. It didn’t help that the small sections of sewer hose were brittle and didn’t want to stretch. Nothing wanted to fit together too awful well. So after a period of unsuccessfully struggling with the whole mess I headed to Walmart, conveniently located two parking lots down from the RV Sales I’m at. “Forget it! I’m just going to buy a new, complete RV Sewer Hose setup!” I exclaimed loudly to myself. I had already scoped out the RV parts on prior Walmart runs, so it took only moments to make my way to the section. I found myself staring blankly at a variety of pre-assembled setups and “à la carte” pieces. Rhino brand. That sounded good and sturdy, right? Sure. “I’ll take it,” I said to myself.

On a quick side note: While in the RV parts section I noticed a box labeled RV leveling system. After scanning the box I realized what those funky wooden blocks in the back storage compartment were…Thank you, Lord, for inadvertently answering that question! I leveled the RV as soon as I got back to it. Figured it was probably much smarter to move the coach back and forth BEFORE hooking it up to the sewer. Hey, I can figure out a few things!

Back at my now level RV, and still in the rain, I happily pulled my new Rhino brand Complete RV Sewer Hose out of the box, certain that I’d be able to use my bathroom within minutes. Uh huh. Just to let you know how that worked for me…it didn’t. It seems my new hose, with all of the “pretty” pre-attached fittings didn’t fit in the spot between the downspout thingy and the bottom of the compartment. Okay, Plan C…or was that Plan Q? It had to come up through the compartment floor. The old hose was fed through an elbow and a section of PVC pipe underneath the coach, but the fittings on my “trophy” were too big to allow it to be fed through in place of the old one. “Crap [a term that seemed fitting at the time], I’ll have to make the old one work. Darn it!” You’d think that at this point I would have at least been smart enough to change out of my good clothes into something that didn’t include a “dry clean only” dress jacket. But no, that would have taken using the old noggin. Can I blame impending hypothermia?

After a good 15 more minutes I’d forced couplings together and coaxed the stiff, brittle pieces to stretch enough to meet with the piece that was already laying by the sewer access pipe. Okay, victory! Now to open the valves (or traps, or whatever they’re called) and empty the holding tanks. I grabbed the handle on what I was guessing was the grey-water tank and pulled. CRAP! …literally! What I’d failed to notice was that the hose attached to the downspout thingy had come unclamped and dropped down a couple inches. Gross blackish-brown sludgy liquid gushed out into the compartment, which, by the way, looked like had happened to the previous occupant a time or twenty as well. Did I mention I hadn’t bought any gloves for this job? 

If I say I wasn’t a happy camper at this point you’ll get the idea, right? There was nothing to do but continue on with the job. I reached down, grabbed the old hose and clamp and managed to get it back in place. I was cold, wet and less than enthusiastic. Surely I had it whooped this time. Grabbing the handle I gave it a pull…CRAP! …literally, again! However this time it was spewing from all of the breaks in the brittle hose. Slamming the valve shut for a second time I just shook my head in disbelief. Really? REEEEAALY?!! At this point it’s either laugh or cry. I chose to do the former and stood there in the rain — arms, hands and ground splattered with raw sewage — laughing.

Well, back to my Rhino hose… I removed the so-helpfully, pre-attached fittings from the coupling end. They came off so easily. Surely they’ll go back on just as easily, right? Was I really so deluded at that point? I pulled the old hose out of its PVC sleeve and managed to successfully snake the new one through in its place. Now, just reattach the fitting, and voilà‘! Nope, not that easy. Somehow my hose shrunk…or the fitting grew…in diameter. Not happening that day. By that time I was at the point of tears and discouragement. “Why can’t I be a guy right now, Lord?!!!! Why can’t I be good at stuff like this?!!!” I screamed out loud. Silence. Ask a stupid question…get no answer.

I composed myself and grabbed an old fitting that looked similar to the uncooperative new one. “You’re going onto this freaking hose, now!” I hissed at it. Finally…I almost couldn’t believe it. It went on. Better than that, the fitting connected to the downspout. The new hose was more than long enough to reach the sewer opening. Now, third time’s the charm, right? I gingerly pulled the handle on the valve…Is it? Could it be? Oh my gosh, it’s working! I watched joyfully as the who-knows-how-old contents of the holding tanks drained into the line. Tears mixed with rain. Then I began laughing again. Why didn’t I take pictures of my project? I thought to myself. Or better yet, video. Wow, I’d love to have had a camcorder rolling. Project completed. Another “skill” learned. Soap and dry clothes, here I come!